cassoulet

2 chicken breasts
1 can white beans
half an onion
1 shallot
2 handfulls baby carrots
2 stalks celery
3 andoie sausage
white wine
apple cider
a cup of rice

cook the rice. heat a pan, sear the chicken breasts, then remove from the pan. place in a different pan with s cup of the wine and cider, then finish cooking in the oven. add the veggies, and sliced sausage and saute. when the veggies start to brown, add the beans with the liquid. add a splash of the cider and the wine. use a spatula to deglaze the pan. simmer until the beans are done. add the liquid from the chicken pan. chop up the chicken and add the the cassolet, and simmer for a bit. plate with the rice.

Mad Skills

mad skills that i stole form Alton Brown

I was inspired by my viewing of his show on poaching. much of this is just cut and paste.

Court Bullion

Mr Brown calls for peppercorns but i left them out because one of the people i was cooking for just really hates black pepper. i also doubled the celery and the garlic because i like them and ours was looking like it needed to get used up. 

• 1 1/2 cups water
• 1/2 cup white wine
• 1 lemon, juiced
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 celery rib, chopped
• 2 garlic clove, chopped finely 
• 4 to 5 sprigs fresh thyme
• 1 bay leaf 

Combine all ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce the heat and simmer for 8 minutes.

Separately, make a roux with 3 tbs of flour and 3 of butter. set aside. Cook some Tortellini and set aside. mine came from a box. so sue me. please dont im poor. 

Poached haddock

3 Haddock filets, cut into strips and sorted by size into big, thick strips and thinner strips
Court Bullion
probe thermometer

bring Bullion to a simmer, gently add filets, a few at a time, such that the big ones are in the pan or the thin ones, not both. leave the probe in the broth, and not the bottom of the pan, cover, and remove from heat. if the broth goes below 140 return to the heat and try to keep it there. allow fish to poach for around 8 minutes for the thicker fillets, around 5 for the thinner ones. after five minutes check the internal temperature of the filets. when they are done remove from the broth. then return the broth to a simmer and repeat the process until all your filets are cooked.

Bastard Burre Blanc

Classic burre blanc uses a ton of butter and some cream to thicken white wine and lemon juice simmered with shallots and garlic. Court bullion is white wine simmered with onions and garlic. I didn't have much butter or any cream, and i really didn't feel like fucking up a new sauce on the fly. So I made that roux from before, and after the fish were done poaching I returned it to a simmer and added the roux. after some whisking, I had a nice think sauce that, while not a burre blac, sure was awesome. as it happened my tortellini had stuck together, so i used the sauce to unstick the tortellini, then poured the whole thing over my fish. it ruled. the sauce needed a little salt which i supplied with parmesean cheese topping. my mom also made a salad with lettuce, walnuts, cucumber, tomatoe, feta, dill, and watercress. we ate goooood.

the sucking hole in your life.

Its been a while and I made a very tasty meal last night so let’s hit this with a big black dildo.

Rose Hip Rum:

1/4lb dried rose hips

1 handle rum

Combine rum and rose hips in an air tight container for several months, store in a dark, room temperature location.

The quality of the rum and the rose hips are key. My attempt wasn’t so successful because I waited a year or two before using the rose hips, and I used low quality clear rum. This would probably work way better with high quality dark rum, and some spices would probably not hurt things. That said, this is super forgiving. The alcohol will destroy any germs that get in, so you really can just leave this in a corner for a while. My attempt isn’t so great to drink but it is great as a cooking additive, and it tastes distinctly of rose.

Garlic Mashed Potatoes:

This was based on Alton brown’s mashed potatoes recipe, but I made substitutions based on what I had in the house. Namely, I had no Cream or milk, but I had a can of coconut milk.

3lb potatoes

1 can coconut milk

6tb minced garlic

Salt

Peel the potatoes and cut into 1 in thick wedges. Place in a large pot and just cover with water. Place on high heat and dissolve enough salt that the water tastes as salty as seawater. Bring to a boil.

In a saucepan combine coconut milk and garlic. I like the pre-minced jars of garlic, mainly because I’m lazy, but they also have a uniquely garlicky flavor. If you wanna peel 6 cloves go for it. Anyway, place on heat and bring to just boiling, then immediately remove from heat and stir.

When the potatoes fall apart when poked with a fork they are done. Do not overcook. Drain and return to pot. Add coconut milk mixture. Mash vigorously. It may seem too liquidy but as you let it sit it will thicken.

Rose Broccoli

Three large heads of broccoli,

1 tb of garlic

1 onion

½ tb of butter

Salt and pepper to taste

Olive oil

¼ lemon

½ cup rose hip rum or other flavorful alcohol.

Wash the broccoli. Separate the florets from the stem. Remove bad parts from stem and slice into 1/4in thick discs. Mince the onion. Heat a pan. Coat the bottom of the pan with olive oil, if you have a spray that is best. When the oil is hot add the onions, salt, pepper, and broccoli stems. Sauté until the onions have started to brown, then add the garlic. When the broccoli stems have just started to brown add the florets and squeeze in the lemon and cover the pan, ideally with a glass lid, and allow to steam 2 minutes. Add the alcohol and de-glaze the pan, then remove from heat, cover, and allow to finish steaming. Contemplate the meaninglessness of existence.

Hamburgers

I like hamburgers rare. The FDA will tell you the only way it is safe to eat them this rare is if you grind your own meat.

Whatever.

1lb hamburger

Salt and pepper to taste

Olive oil spray

Ikea rye crackers

Form hamburger meat into patties three inches in diameter and maybe an inch thick. Sprinkle both sides with salt and pepper.

Heat pan. Spray pan with olive oil. When the oil is hot enough that water sizzles when dripped in, add the hamburgers, gently, one at a time, giving a twist to the burgers just after they hit the pan to ensure they do not stick. When all are in shake the pan to prevent sticking, then allow to cook until the meat has changed from red to gray about a quarter way up the side of the meat. Gently flip the burgers, and give a shake to prevent sticking. Allow graying to come halfway up the side of the meat, then remove from the heat and allow to rest for 5 to 10 minutes.

Get a plate, and spoon on the mashed potatoes and the broccoli. In the remaining space place a rye cracker disc. Place the burger on the disc to soak up juices. Eat the food while whispering my name.

Midnight Snack.

1 Package Lax Najad from Ikea

4 or 5 slices of cucumber

Fresh dill

A few slices of farmer cheese

Rye cracker rounds

Put on a plate, arranged decoratively. Eat it.