Evelyn’s Drive In

Evelyn’s Drive In is a wonderful local favorite in Tiverton, RI. If you've never been to Tiverton, you are not alone. The only reason to go to Tiverton is to get to Newport from Boston, or to go to even more obscure towns to the south. The little lady and I happened to be passing through on the way to Little Compton, a town whose main attraction is some lovely sea shore and the fact that it is called Little Compton.
As we passed Evelyn’s we saw all the key signs of an amazing local institution: tiny, ramshackle building, sprawling outdoor seating areas, right by the water, and with a massive, clearly local clientele. In some other entry I will come back to this list, because people seem unclear, but for now let’s focus on Evelyn’s in particular. As we swung by I said “that’s a place to go” and the wife agreed, but as we had just eaten we drove on.

Little Compton is a charming little place in a state full of charming little places. The seaside views are spectacular, completely breathtaking, but as it has a population of only 3,492 and no tourist industry to speak of it lacks certain amenities. As far as we could tell the only restaurant was a single pizza place in the town center. The pizza place looked fine, but we came to the sea to get seafood, and since it seemed a 50/50 shot that such an establishment would be closed at 7:30 on a Saturday in Little Compton, our minds were drawn inevitably back to the siren call of that drive in by the bay that we had passed in Tiverton. We Embarked. 

Everything about Evelyn’s was as expected. A polite and numerous waitstaff, a local clientele that had filled the place to capacity on our first drive by but had died back by 8, and a focus on seafood. As we began to peruse our menus I noted with some growing discomfort, however, a general gloss about the place, as if a few years previously someone had done the place up for a mass market. The food seemed solid, simple, seaside fare, so we ordered a round of clam cakes and fried pickles spent some time wrestling with our options. Then I saw him.

There he was, on the bottom of the menu. His puffy face, spikey hair, stupid, vacant, good time grin. We had stumbled into a restaurant featured by Guy FUCKING Fieri on Diners Drive Ins and Dives.
My relationship with this show is…complex. I love greasy spoons. Obviously, I have a whole system for recognizing good ones of various types. And here is a show whose whole basis is recognizing and celebrating such establishments! Not corporate bullshit ones either, and if some hipster venues make it in by far the favorites are the family run places with history. I love the concept, I love the restaurants chosen, and I will even say I love the show. If you've gotten me drunk first.

Buy Guy Fieri is a fucking joke and he knows it. Nothing about his persona is genuine and everything about it is fucking annoying. Whats worse is everyone knows it, and somehow, in our fucking twisted, Kardasian focused world, a food network celebrity whose only personality trait is that they want to make you stab yourself is a person everyone wants fucking more of. He’s been so successful that the Food Network has given him multiple show, each more vapid than the last, and fired his producers, the ones who had actually started the show and selected the restaurants, in order to bring in new producers who would go along with Fieri’s vision of refocusing the show on how much of his own cock he can cram into his own throat. I hear next season is going to feature a story arc where he goes on a quest to nibble his own taint.

So I see his fucking dipshit grin on the menu and the episode immediately floods into my skull like a bunch of tourists onto a hitherto secluded beach. The focus of the episode was a dish called American Chow Mein. And there it was, right on the fucking menu. Staring at me like a dead bird.

The description of this dish is “Brown gravy on top of crunchy noodles.” You can get it with beef, chicken, or lobster. I was…dubious. But then the clam cakes came. If you’ve never had fresh New England Clam Cakes, ideally from a road side shack, you need to. They are kind of like hushpuppies, but with less corn and more clams. Simply put they are a slice of heaven if you like seafood at all, and these were some of the best I have had. The exterior was crunchy and salty and the interior was luscious and sweet, but with a good clam flavor, whispering in the background, like a beautiful girl upon whose luscious bosom you find yourself resting your head as she gently caresses your hair. They come with tartar sauce, which is a very good tartar sauce, and there is a nice malt vinegar on the table. Both are nice, but it’s almost like putting leather seats in a strip club. Who cares about the seats. I’m here for hot clams. I should also note that the pickles were amazing. Probably the best I've had.

So I am in a good mood. Maybe old spikehead is on to something. After all the American Chow Mein and Chop Suey phenomenon is a part of 50s American culture, the very period that gave rise to establishments like Evelyn’s. Maybe they were doing their part in preserving a lost piece of Americana. Not that Dick Furry discussed that at all. Anyway the good stuff was maybe a bit pricey, and anyway the wife was going to get something else. It was my duty as a curious eater to try, to see what lies down this rabbit hole and report back to the letcherous pederast who sent me down.
“I Will!” I said to the waitress, “I will follow the white rabbit of the food network down to the wonderland that is American Chow Mein.” She made a face, and asked what kind I wanted.
“What do you recommend?” I replied, somewhat worried by her expression.
“I don’t really like it my…well he had- I mean when Guy Fieri came he had the Lobster. There is also beef and chicken.” I knew I was in for an experience. I ordered the beef, as it was half the price of the lobster and I am a cheap, cheap man. Also the concept of Lobster in a brown gravy seemed to be taking an already odd dish to absurd extremes. Though in retrospect if I was making Alice in Wonderland analogies to justify my food choices more weird was probably not a deal breaker.

When it came out it was everything the menu advertised. Chunks of cube stake perched proudly top pieces of onion and celery in a brown sauce that was actively sinking into crispy noodles. Yes, those crispy noodles, the tiny, thin, fried noodles you get while you are waiting for your food at middle of the road Chinese restaurants. The ones the cheap ones stopped handing out ten years ago and the good ones wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, preferring those wonderful, wide, flaky ones with lots of bubbles.

It was an experience. These foods are a key part of Americana lost, and Evelyn’s probably does as fine a job as any you will ever find. The gravy is amazing; it tastes strongly of the onions and the celery, but with a good beef flavor; a bold, vegetable/beef experience. The cube stake is juicy and tender, but is not falling apart and has a good beef flavor.

But the dish sucks. There’s a reason these things went away, and it is because they gave me a massive bowl of the best gravy I’ve had in years soaking into prepackaged crispy noodles. It wouldn't have been so bad if the dish my wife had, the Mediterranean Calamari Salad, weren't a fucking religious experience. All the elements were individually amazing, and worked towards a harmonious whole. And the fucking calamari itself; a simple cornmeal dredge that as far as I could tell contained only finely ground cornmeal, but was perfect in every way. The squid was tender. So, so tender. I could weep. I nearly did in the restaurant. It tasted like squid. Fresh, squid flavored squid. So fucking hard to achieve.

AND THAT SMUG ANAL DISCHARGE DID A WHOLE SHOW ABOUT THE CHOW MEIN. YOU DID THIS AMERICA. THIS IS YOUR FAULT.

So in sum, Evelyn’s Drive In is one of the best seafood places you can go on the East Shore of the bay. All the food is made with great skill and fresh ingredients, except the noodles in the Chow Mein which suck balls. The seafood is a little pricey, but its based on market rates so I can't fault them too much. Cheaper food can be had nearer the fishing ports on the West Shore but you wont find anyone who cooks them better.

Yogurt Sauce.

A week of intensive and successful culinary epiphany, my children, so let us get right into this. I was basically perusing the episodes of Good Eats that are available on You Tube and thinking on the excess of dried tarragon I happen to own, one thing led to another, and I decided to try out Alton Brown’s Tarragon Yogurt Sauce. It should be noted that the recipe I link there has a major flaw: it lacks the tempering process which is the point of the recipe’s inclusion in The Yogurt Episode (The recipe starts in that episode at 10:43. Description of tempering at 13:50).

As Mr. Brown describes, using plain yogurt in a sauce conveys a lot of advantages: it is creamy, but low fat, so it acts as a replacement for heavy cream, but it also lends an amazing flavor of its own to the right sauces; simultaneously tangy, light, and fresh tasting, kind of the dairy equivalent of celery. The problem with Yogurt is that. since it is basically primordial cheese, any number of things can cause it to curdle. In fact if any of you have ever opened a yogurt and found a layer of water on top of your yogurt, this is part of the process. It is harmless, your yogurt is still good, but if taken to its eventual conclusion the yogurt will turn into a dense mass of protein (the curd) sitting in a poor of cloudy water (whey). Heat makes this process occur rapidly, so any heated yogurt sauce will turn into a mess of cottage cheese with alarming rapidity unless steps are taken to prevent it. In this case, Mr. Brown shows the viewer how to use starch to prevent curdling, but you can also use fat or any number of other chemical intermediaries.

Last Monday I pretty much followed Mr. Brown’s recipe to put over some nice fish. This is one of my favorite fish preparations because it is super quick and utilizes frozen tilapia which is super cheap. I get them individually wrapped in plastic from BJs, which means you can sink them in their wrappings in a bowl of warm water and have them defrosted in less than five minutes. Other than the fish (I used four filets) you will need:

1c Flour
1 tbsp Salt

5-10 grinds Fresh Pepper

3 tbsp Butter

2 tbps capers

First make some pasta, I forgot this step and it was stupid but not the end of the world. Actually I make gnocchi, which is technically a dumpling. Whatever. Your mom was a dumpling.

Once the fish is defrosted, dump the water from the bowl, and unwrap the fish into the bowl. Have 2 cooling racks ready, and start heating a 10-12in pan on the stove over medium high heat. Combine the flour, salt, and pepper on a large plate and swizzle together with a fork, then shake out so the mixture is flat on the plate. Take each filet and lightly cover with the flour, then knock off the excess and place on the first rack. When all the filets are dine, check the pan by placing a drop of water on. If it skittles all over the place it is too hot, if it just sizzles wildly it is ready, if I looks at you, you have to heat it more. Cut the butter into smaller chunks, then toss into the pan when it is ready. When it is melted it should start to foam up. Gently place in the fish, two or three at a time, being careful not to overcrowd the pan. Turn after a minute or two, the bottom should be golden brown, and the thinner parts of the fish will probably be visibly cooked on the uncooked side. I find two forks make a great way to do the turning, though I suppose people who aren’t ghetto as hell have fish turners or whatever. Once the fish are done on both sides, remove to the cooling rack. When all the fish are done place in an oven set to barely be on, just to keep them warm (do not wrap in tin foil, the steam will melt the crust). Turn down the heat and add the capers, gently frying them for a minute or two.

MEANWHILE, during the downtime from the above you should probably have started Mr. Brown’s recipe, sweating the veggies in a saucier over a medium low heat, stirring occasionally. Once the fish is done and you have a minute to think while the capers fry, make the corn starch slurry. When the capers are done, deglaze the fish pan with the rest of the stock. Bring to a boil and scrape down the pan. When the veggies are done sweating, dump the stock into the saucier bodily, in a bold and manly fashion. Now is the time for spicery, so add the pepper, any salt you want, and copious tarragon. Finally, add the slurry. Return to a boil, stirring vigorously. Mr. Brown says to whisk but my only saucier is nonstick, which is pretty stupid, but it’s what I have, so I used a silicone spatula.

Once the sauce has thickened it is time to add the Yogurt. As Mr. Brown says in the episode, but not the recipe, if you dump in all the yogurt it will curdle from the heat before the starch in the sauce can get to it, so you need to temper the yogurt. This essentially means slowly raising the temperature. You could do this with a ton a whisking and a double boiler and tempering is just way easier. So what you do is kill the heat on the sauce and put your yogurt into a bowl. Then using a whisk or spoon or spatula or whatever, take a little of the sauce, put it in the bowl, and stir it into the yogurt. Keep doing this till the temperature of the yogurt has raised significantly, probably 5-7 doses. Then you can dump the yogurt into the saucier and rapidly stir everything together. Now test the temperature, and if you feel it needs to be warmer to serve, feel free to raise the temperature whilst stirring. This made a great dinner, and I had two filets and half the sauce left over, so I had it over noodles with a side of raw broccoli for work for the next two days. Yum!

But then I made an awesome discovery. The key part of this process, the mechanical functional part, is really just using the slurry to thicken and using the tempering process to avoid curdling during the addition of the yogurt. You can flavor your sauce with pretty much anything, and it is stupid fast to make. The following is a midnight slack I threw together.

Half a box of elbow macaroni

3 large white button mushrooms

A handful of frozen spinach

A cup of broth

A tablespoon of cornstarch

Garlic

Salt

Pepper

Cook the pasta

In a small pot roughly chop the mushrooms, toss in the spinach, salt, and pepper. Sweat until the mushrooms have given up their precious juices and the spinach is heated. Make the slurry, and dump the broth into the veggies. Thicken with the slurry, and place the yogurt into a bowl. Temper the yogurt, and when it is warm add the pasta, stir, and then add the whole shebang into the sauce. Heat until you are happy with the temperature, and eat it out of the pot in bed with a wooden spoon like a cave man. 

Chicken soup

I forget now If I’ve done a write up of my chicken soup methodology before, but it has evolved recently and anyway bears repeating. I found myself sick this past week or two and ove the weekend I brewed a soup that knocked the shit out of a nuclear flu. So keep this in your arsenal. It takes a while but it’s a lot of easy stages so its not so bad.

Stock

Get one chicken carcass. I’ve found the best way to do this is to get a rotisserie chicken, as they are ultra cheap, and generally pretty well made. I also save chicken wing tips when I roast my own chicken and freeze them in bags along with the giblets. I think for this one I used a rotisserie carcass, a few wing tips, and a few neck and giblet sets. They go into the pot with like an onion roughly chopped, some garlic, and a liberal amount of salt and pepper. The flavors at this stage aren’t really important. The important thing is that you cover that shit, bring it to a boil, reduce to a low simmer, and then let it cook for like 8 to 12 hours, topping up the water as needed. Drain into a container and discard the bones. You can refrigerate for a few weeks, probably more, and freeze for much longer. This way you can make the stock any time you have chicken, and have it on hand for when you get ill.

If this seems inexact, its cause this stage is really more about chemical components and texture rather than flavor. Certainly quality ingredients never hurt a body even at this stage, but the real point is to extract the gelatin that hides in a body’s connective tissue. Carcasses are full of the stuff because in its unboiled state it is basically an inedible fiber, and because it tends to hide out with other fibers that will never ever boil away. As such the inedible bits we leave on chicken bones are full of the collagen that, when boiled, dissolves into gelatin. You will know this has worked because if you refrigerate your stock it will turn into a solid. If you filled this with vegetables and preserved meats you would have the basis of an aspic. Aspics are pretty gross but soups are not so let us move on quickly.

A Word About Pepper

I am between pepper grinders, by which I mean I had a disposable one and then accidentally bought whole pepper corns without a grinder. Luckily the wife and I had received a magic bullet from her grandmother for our wedding. I had already been using it as a spice grinder, and since the bullets come with shaker covers it made sense to turn to pregrinding my own pepper. This also opened the opportunity for playing with the usual pepper assumptions. After some experimentation I found that dropping three cloves into 3 tablespoons of pepper corns before grinding the whole thing makes a pepper blend that is pretty much the best thing ever. I use that for everything I describe as pepper in this recipe.

Broth and Soup

As Stock requires the infusion of gelatin from boiling bones, Broth requires infusion of flavor, in this case by boiling mean and veggies. Start by dicing a large onion, two stalks of celery, generous quantities of garlic, and a large carrot. Saute in a 16 gt stock pot with salt and pepper intil they start to take some color. Now is time for the meat. I got a pound each flat of drumsticks and thighs. I placed these in the pot with the stock, a package of fresh thyme, and enough water to equal the amount of stock. I brought this to a boil and then simmered until the chicken was done, probably about 20 mins. I then fished out the chicken pieces and let them cool. Once cool shred the chicken meat and discard the bones and skin. Toss into the soup with a cup of brown rice and a few more stalks of celery and a bunch of celery leaves, sliced, and some frozen peas. Simmer until the rice is cooked.

Of the above, the mirpoix of onion, carrot, and celery is all that is really necessary for chicken soup to taste like chicken soup other than the chicken. I always like my chicken soup to be heavy on the celery, thus the late addition of more. It also adds to the freshness. Mushrooms also go well, and pretty much anything you have in the kitchen. You could also add cooked noodles instead of the brown rice and serve without further cooking. Kreplach is traditional in chicken soup amongst my people, so any kind of frozen wonton will work. Go nuts. Have fun.